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[writingahistory]

Three weeks, and therefore two sessions, on since Dorian's surprising way of confession his interest, and they haven't discussed it again. He knows he needs to bring it up. That it's something that shouldn't be ignored, that they need to discuss it, that they at least need to talk about whether it's a good idea for them to continue working together.

They need to, but he keeps steering away from the topic when openings present themselves, keeps telling himself he's figuring out how to approach it and then dropping it altogether.

As the next session creeps up on him, he's still telling himself that, though he's not sure he'll get around to doing any such thing today. He still doesn't know what to say about it, what will be the right thing to get Dorian to see both that he needs to try to get better and that he'd do better to have someone else help him.

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[letmewritelies]

It's a very good day. The noises in his head are behaving, the anxieties that plague him are mostly in check and nothing is too hot.

This leaves him grinning when he walks in, and more than that, it leaves him daring.

So that's probably why he's quick to enter, shutting the door behind him and closing the distance between them quickly. He places a quick kiss to the man's cheek, and then places a small bouquet of flowers on his desk.

"Good afternoon," he says cheerfully.

[writingahistory]

He looks as if he's not sure what to do with that entrance, which isn't far from the truth. He shifts his gaze, blinking, from Dorian to the flowers on his desk, before looking back up at the boy, confusion still written on his face.

"You're... looking rather cheerful today," he starts, carefully.

[letmewritelies]

"It's a good day," he informs. "Everything's...not right but settled. It's settled and it feels good."

He settles into the chair across from the desk, pulling his legs up and crossing them so that he can rest his elbows on his knees.

"How are you?"

[writingahistory]

"I'm... fine," he says uncertainly, tapping his fingers on his desk before leaning forward. "Dorian, I don't think gifts are very appropriate."

[letmewritelies]

"They can be for your office then, not for you," he offers with a smile. "Maybe I think it's a bit too dreary in here?"

[writingahistory]

"It's still not entirely appropriate," he says, but he looks as though he;s trying to figure out if it's even worth it.

At least he's not kissing him again, and... Well, no, it's not harmless. The fact that he's still working with him isn't harmless.

"We should discuss the possibility of you going to somebody else again, I think," he says carefully.

[letmewritelies]

"Pleaseno," It comes out as one word and he visibly tenses at the thought. Good as the day may be, he's still not perfect and the thought of change makes him twitch.

he forces himself to take a deep breath, forces a smile but it wavers. "I think everything's fine," he assures. "If you don't want me to get you, or your office, flowers, then I won't."

His eyes are pleading with him to not have this conversation, to not go down this road, not on a good day.

[writingahistory]

He hesitates, barely bothering to hide the uncertainty, before he leans slowly back in his chair, his gaze almost apologetic as he speaks. "Whether you express your... interest or not, if it's still there, we need to discuss alternative arrangements. We should have discussed them already."

[letmewritelies]

"No," he says softly. "Please no." he looks up at him, his body growing tense. He's not curling in on himself just yet but he's close.

"I'm fine, I've not lied to you, I've not let my emotional attachment get in the way of the work I'm supposed to be doing, I promise."

[writingahistory]

"It still isn't a smart idea. You're still in a vulnerable emotional position," he points out, closing his eyes as he speaks. "Add that to the fact that apparently you don't care about the work you're supposed to be doing and I wonder why you're so resistant to even discuss it."

He doesn't, really, he knows well enough why, he's just... frazzled. Frazzled and unsure how to deal with this. With Dorian. He was bad enough at it before the boy decided he was in love with him, now he's been steadily getting worse.

[letmewritelies]

Dorian laughs, a sharp sound. "I'm always in a vulnerable emotional position," he counters, ignoring the second part entirely.

Dorian thinks he's fine at dealing with him but well, Dorian has a bias. A huge Therapist shaped bias.

[writingahistory]

"There's a difference. One that compromises the basis of what we're meant to do here."

We all know that he does. The therapist disagrees rather completely, at the moment and would hold up this moment in his life as proof.

[letmewritelies]

I don't understand how though," he admits. "It's motivation. It's a reason to try. I'm supposed to want to get better, right? You keep telling me that and I have a reason. It just so happens that the reason is you."

[writingahistory]

"It doesn't work," he says gently, "unless you're trying for yourself. Or at least someone who's truly involved in your life, if it has to be for someone else. I'm not."

[letmewritelies]

"But you're involved right now," he says, hopefully, desperately. "And you could stay involved if you'd like. I'd like it, I'd...really prefer it that way.."

[writingahistory]

"I'll be involved as long as my involvement as your doctor is beneficial to you," he says, choosing his words carefully. "I'm not sure it is, anymore."

[letmewritelies]

"yes it is," he says quickly, the three words nearly turning into one. "It is, I promise you it is." He leans forward, his knees drawn up and his hands resting on them. "I'll do what you'd like, I promise. I'll stop trying to feel this way if that's what you'd really prefer, I can do that. Or I can try anyway."

[itsallfine]

"Feelings aren't so easy to turn off as that, Dorian," he says, finally properly looking at him again. "I'm not asking you to promise me you'll try or -- or try to appease me. I just want to figure out what's best for you. That's why I'm here."

[letmewritelies]

"What's best for me is to stay," he says quickly. "I'm sure of that. I'll stay, I'll wokr with you and I'll stop I can make myself stop, or I can damn well try. Just...give me a chance?"

[writingahistory]

"I... suppose we can try for a while longer," he agrees, reluctant and uncertain but agreeing all the same. "At least see how it goes for the next couple of months. If I think there's a problem, though, I'm going to say something."

[letmewritelies]

He nods, his expression utterly relieved. "All right," he says. "All right, that works. I promise, there won't be a problem, nothing's going to go wrong, I swear it."